My Selfish Desire, My Painful Wish, Our Love Marginal
by NicoxMaki
Summary: "Even though we're friends, I'm in love with you. I can't hide it anymore, I can't forget about it... It's my selfish desire, my painful wish... My selfish desire. I'm sorry, without a doubt, this secret, marginal love will remain mine alone."


Hello everyone and I'm not going to write a lot in the opening A/N, so please enjoy and if you'd like to know the reason for my hiatus, just read the closing A/N. So, please enjoy.

I was inspired to write this after seeing this genderbend version of a HonoKoto duet. There are two awesome version that you guys should check out. This genderbent version of Honoka is really hot and the voice is fantastic!

This story will have a genderbent Honoka and there will be some more that is genderbent.

Disclaimer: I still do not own Love Live!

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It is after school, Honoka and Umi are in the classroom, they stand face to face with each other and stand in silence for a while. Honoka looks away for a moment and Umi feels a pang of guilt after seeing Honoka's lonely face. She also looks away.

Umi faces Honoka once again when she hears footsteps and he is slowly approaching her. She backs up with every step he takes. He doesn't stop approaching her and her back finally reaches the wall.

Honoka traps Umi and looks into her eyes with a melancholic expression that makes Umi feel vulnerable and weak. He is quiet and it takes a while before he quietly says.

"Why...?" It was like a hushed whisper, but one that resonated in Umi's ears.

"Why? What do you mean?" Umi had a hunch of why Honoka wanted to talk to her, but now she was partly confused.

"Why? Why are you being so cold towards me?" His hands fall to her shoulders and he gently grabs to them for dear life.

"Honoka?"

"You used to be closer to me, why are you distancing yourself from me?" He portrays a sorrowful countenance and it sends a piercing ache to Umi's heart.

"Honoka..." Umi only now realizes that she was hurting Honoka.

"I always liked having you by my side." He confessed to her, which made Umi heat up, but she continued to listen to him nonetheless. "I always noticed how much you cared whenever you lectured me. You may think I get annoyed whenever you do that..."

"But I honestly like it because then I know you're paying attention to me." With his left hand, he gently raised some of Umi's hair and smelled its scent. Umi was beyond embarrassed, but she didn't move a muscle.

"You would be so close to me." He gave another wistful smile before continuing. "But now you're slipping away." The hair he held ever so gently, slipped through his tender hands and landed back on Umi's shoulders.

"Should I let you? Is that what you want?" His eyes were lidded with tears that threatened to fall any second. He needed assurance and only Umi could give it to him.

Umi cupped his face gently and stared deeply into his azure eyes with a serene smile on her face.

"Is that what you think I want? Is it what you and I need?" She leaned close to him and let their foreheads touch. "Tell me, you should know me by now Honoka."

"I-I..." His head faced the ground and she chuckled at fading voice.

"Don't you know that I will always comply to your wishes, no matter how selfish they may be." He looked back up at her face. "So tell me, what do you want? What do you want to do with me?"

A pregnant silence filled the air as the two stared into each other's eyes.

"I, I..." Honoka's voice was fading out, unable to find the words he needed to utter. Instead, he acted out on what he wanted to say.

He placed his left hand on the wall for support and his right hand let go of her shoulders and placed it on the wall as well. Honoka leaned in closer, Umi realized what he was trying to do and closed her eyes. He saw her close her eyes and did the same a moment later. They could feel each other's breath and before Honoka tried to close the gap between them, he whispered.

"Stay with me..." And he leaned in, when...

"CUT!" A man yelled and his voice echoed in the room. Honoka and Umi parted from each other, both bearing scarlet hues on their cheeks.

"Good job you two! Well, that's a wrap for today. Good work everyone!" The director said before instructing everyone to clean up.

"U-um, good job Umi-chan..." Honoka complimented her, trying not to seem too embarrassed.

"Y-you too. You did a wonderful job..." Umi returned the compliment, which made Honoka scratch the back of her head.

"Thanks, I guess we both did great." He smiled at her, which made her smile while feeling slightly embarrassed.

"Yes, you both did great. Now, let's go grab something to eat. Everyone else is waiting for you two downstairs." A new voice informed them and when they turned, they saw Nico and Kotori standing at the door.

"Oh, I guess we should head out then. Let's go." He waited for Umi to nod before they walked towards the door, where the two stopped because of Kotori.

"Ah, wait."

"What is it?" Honoka asked and Kotori walked up to him.

"Your tie is loose, here..." Kotori fixed his tie like a wife would do for her husband and Honoka became red. Kotori noticed Honoka's blush and just smiled cutely at him, which made the latter blush even more.

The other two were surprised and Umi spoke up to stop their interaction.

"Okay now, hurry up you two. Everyone else has already been waiting." Kotori and Honoka realized that they were taking long and Kotori finished what she was doing.

"Sorry about that, let's go." They all walked towards the stairs to head to the shoe lockers and as the two walked side by side, Kotori intertwined her hand with Honoka's. He gave her a confused look, which she returned with a warm and gentle smile. Seeing her smile, he returned the smile. Upon seeing the two interacting, Umi felt a tinge of jealousy.

Instead of staying back to watch them, she walked faster and left the three behind. Honoka noticed and was confused of why Umi would leave them behind. When Honoka was going to follow her, Kotori tightened her grip and pulled Honoka back to her pace. Nico saw what was happening and groaned before speaking out and dragging the two.

"Come on you two, let's go." The three of them arrived at the lockers rather quickly due to Nico dragging them. Umi was already there, not looking at either one of them. Upon seeing this, Honoka freed himself from Kotori's grasp and walked up to Umi.

"Umi-chan, what's wrong?" Honoka asked as the rest of the group talked amongst themselves, aside from one girl who's amber hues never left the two.

"Nothing's wrong." Umi began to walk outside the school building and Honoka followed her.

"Wait Umi-chan." Honoka called out to her, but Umi wouldn't stop. "I said to wait Umi-chan." He grabbed her wrist gently, but with enough force to stop her from moving.

"What do you want Honoka?"

"I should be asking you that Umi-chan. Actually that's not the right response, what I meant was, what's wrong Umi-chan?"

"I told you it's nothing." Umi turned away, but Honoka's hand made sure she wouldn't leave.

"I know it's not nothing Umi-chan. I know when something's bothering you Umi-chan, we've been friends for so long after all." Honoka turned her slightly then grabbed Umi's other hand. He then made eye contact with her and gave her a gentle smile. "So what's the problem Umi-chan?"

Umi began blushing and began avoiding eye contact, but Honoka wouldn't have it. Honoka used his left hand to gently lift Umi's chin to regain eye contact. Umi only began to blush more profusely as Honoka continued to flash a gentle smile towards her.

"You're the problem." She said quietly, Honoka heard but didn't know how to respond.

"Eh? Come again?" Umi moved closer and hid her face from Honoka by placing her head directly on his chest.

"You're the problem. You're making me act all weird." She also said quietly, but still audible to Honoka. He scratched the back of his head in confusion.

"I don't get it, but..." He wrapped his arms around Umi gently. "I'm still sorry for whatever it is I did to you or to make you act strangely."

"You're so unfair, apologizing despite not knowing your exact actions." She grabbed onto his blazer tightly.

"Yes, yes, I'm unfair, but I'm still sorry." Honoka couldn't see it, but the entire time Umi's face continued become redder. "Have you finally calmed down." Honoka placed his chin on top of Umi's head as he continued to tightly embrace her.

"Yes..." Umi answered honestly, but didn't want to say the truth due to not wanting to let go just yet.

"That's good." She expected Honoka to let her go, but surprisingly he continued to hug her. In fact, his embrace actually became tighter. "That's good."

Her grip on his blazer also became tighter. It was a truly beautiful moment in Umi's eyes and she didn't want it end. However...

"You two." They separated, but didn't distance themselves too much from each other. They looked at who called out to them.

"Kotori." Umi said her name aloud.

"You two are going to be left behind if you don't hurry up. We're all going to get parfaits before heading home." The two looked towards the school gates to see their friends waiting for them.

"We're coming, right Umi-chan?"

"R-right, let's go." The three began walking towards the rest of the group. In the middle of their approach, Umi decided to glance over to her left to look at Honoka, but was caught by Kotori who seemed to glance to her right at the same time.

They made eye contact for a few more seconds before turning away from each other. Honoka could sense something was wrong.

"Is there something, you two?"

"Nope." The two answered without even looking at Honoka, he was unaware that in the few seconds the two made eye contact, they had told each other.

"I won't lose him."

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Hope you guys enjoy this and tell me your thoughts in the review or feel free to PM me.

Here is the link for the videos! They are found on Youtube: watch?v=kFdQrUvolAc , watch?v=O2YyFL8pr-E , watch?v=2lZ_0aDFg1l , watch?v=4hSzjrcNc8s , watch?v=GtuSITvn34g , watch?v=p-knxAv_0ic , and watch?v=WNLD6stbSsE. There are even more you just have to look for it in Youtube.

Also, I know I have been gone for a long, long, long time, and I am sorry that I have not been active. But I'm trying to make sure I can get into a good university and find some scholarships to ensure that I don't have to worry about the expenses. But once I get accepted, I promise to take it easier in my last year of high school and update more. So just bear with the wait a little longer. Sorry for such a long wait, and I hope you can all wait for me.

Thanks for reading and BYE BYE!:D


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